last night i dreampt of taking photographs. i was taking pictures of a line of laundry, but i kept thinking, i don't want to be taking pictures of this anymore. i guess it's time to move on from that project.

as hard as it is for me to accept, this is the first time in my life that i can't find time for picture making. even when i was stock piling film all last year (still unprocessed by the way), i was at least still shooting. i hope this doesn't last long. this terrifies me.

places to see

sometimes my need of photography overwhelms me. it catches me off guard. it only started happening recently, after shooting became secondary in my schedule. i used to shoot almost every day. at least every week. taking pictures and my life were entangled. yet, here, in a new city i find myself without a camera and in desperate need of one.

and i do need it. i need the familiar weighty feeling of metal and plastic in my hands, the tinny click of the shutter in my ear. i need to hide my face behind its mechanisms and experience this new place in metaphors.

8

danny freakin' tagged me. i've never been tagged before. i'm still in shock. i was a blog-tag virgin. blogging is such a strange world. i can't help but wonder if i was included in her list as a secret ploy to get me to blog about something (anything) again. so here goes:

1/ i obsessively twirl my hair. to the point where strangers have come up to me to tell me how mesmerizing they find watching me do it.

2/ i have a scar down the center of my tongue from when, as a four year old, i hit my head on a diving board whilst trying to do a flip. i've never been able to flip since, and this includes a three year stint on a diving team (just so you know, a basic flip is the basis of almost every dive).

3/ i love christmas.

4/ i'm a fraternal twin. our birthday was tuesday.

5/ i don't like ice cream all that much. the massive combination of sugar and dairy makes me kind of sick. i do however like cookies. a lot.

6/ i still wear my retainer.

7/ i once broke a girl's nose. we were goofing off during swim practice and our game went awry. she was gushing blood. i didn't accept that it was broken until five years later. i sincerely thought she was joking, but she pulled me aside one day and was like, listen, you really broke my nose.

8/ i am currently staying on the couch of a friend in brooklyn, as i don't have a home. searching for an apartment is worrying the devil out me and consuming my entire life.

nightmare

last night i dreampt of taking photographs. i was taking pictures of a line of laundry, but i kept thinking, i don't want to be taking pictures of this anymore. i guess it's time to move on from that project.

as hard as it is for me to accept, this is the first time in my life that i can't find time for picture making. even when i was stock piling film all last year (still unprocessed by the way), i was at least still shooting. i hope this doesn't last long. this terrifies me.

out with cold

i started writing this post well over two weeks ago, but got sidetracked (as often happens). i think that posting it on new years eve is quite fitting though:

i processed film for the first time since graduating (june 06) thursday night. it sparked an avalanche. yesterday i processed 6 times in a row, officially working through half my pile of neglected film. my aim is to get through the remainder by this friday.

i intentionally threw all the film into one bowl refusing to differientiate the newer work from the older because i knew if i knew which ones were which i might never have touched the older ones. of course this made the experience of looking through the images much more difficult. very scary. i didn't even want to look at the older ones because i feel such a strong urge to move on, but then when i finally saw that some of those images were rather stunning compared to the newer ones in which none of my ideas are fully developed yet, i was rather demoralized. but over all i think the new work is headed in an exciting direction. and i still have 12 plus rolls to process so the adventure continues.

special thanks to lisa elmaleh for constantly nagging me to process my film at her house and for subsequently driving my chemicals back to my apartment (and for getting that stupid filter off my faucet). the diptych below is hers.